


Winning is Fun, Losing is Too

by WayFish



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Face Slapping, Light Choking, Nonbinary Character, Other, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Power Exchange, Roughhousing, Trans Character, Trans Poe Dameron, Wrestling, the intersection of grief and sex, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WayFish/pseuds/WayFish
Summary: “Is this- are we -going too fast?” Poe asked, tripping out of their boots.Finn was mouthing at Poe’s ear, yanking at their shirt tails. “Apparently not.”Poe considered playing dumb. They shrugged. “At the beginning maybe I felt something for you. You know, like, you’re very good looking!” they said, exasperated. “But as long as we’ve known one another, when would there have been time for that sort of thing?”Finn looked smug. “So this whole time then? The whole time we’ve known one another?”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Winning is Fun, Losing is Too

Poe liked this place. It reminded them a little bit of home.

The jungle had a natural kind of hum. Untold fauna and flora trilled and rustled all around them. The trees put off a sweet smell in the muggy heat.

It would be monsoon season soon, they thought. 

Of course Poe hadn't been on Yavin 4 in ages, probably not since their father's funeral.

 _“Hey?”_ asked a slurry voice from somewhere below them. 

Poe was laid out on the port beam of the Falcon, feet dangling off the edge. 

_“Hey! Poe?”_

Poe groaned and pushed themselves upright. It felt like a great effort. They were very drunk and very tired and their body ached. 

Finn peered up at them. “What’re you doing?” 

Ajan Kloss had two moons. Finn’s face, which held a quizzical expression, was lit up brilliantly by their blue-green glow. Poe nearly dropped their flask which would have been a great shame. It was full of some rotgut that Pava had been brewing in an old fuel canister. The stuff burned going down but was doing a great job at drowning out their feelings. And that was what they needed right now.

“I like the view,” Poe managed. 

“How’d you even get up there?”

They made a vague gesture and laid back down. 

There was some scrambling and a yelp and then eventually the sound of boots making their way across the hull. Finn dropped down beside them, grabbed Pava’s jet fuel moonshine from Poe and took a long draw. 

“We did it,” Finn said, coughing a little. And then again, louder. “We did it!”

“Yes we did.” 

“You weren’t having fun?” Finn passed the flask back to them. “At the party?”

The celebration had been going strong since they returned from Exogol. Music and raucous voices echoed out of the caves.

“Just needed to get some air you know?”

Finn made a sympathetic noise and laid down beside them. Their shoulders just touched. Poe could smell the warm leather of his jacket, their jacket that Finn was wearing. And when Poe turned to look at him their noses almost brushed together. 

“What about you?” Poe asked.

Finn set his jaw in that way that he did when he’d made up his mind about something. “I was looking for you,” he said. 

Then, very suddenly, he was kissing them. 

Poe let out a soft surprised sound into that kiss. Finn was rough in his enthusiasm, taking Poe’s face between his hands, firm and a little jittery. But Poe didn’t pull away. 

There were these birds with a strange call making a ruckus out in the trees. Somewhere far off someone was laughing. 

The kiss turned biting. Their teeth clacked together and Poe rolled into them, scrambled to get their hands under that fucking jacket, under Finn’s shirt, spreading their fingers wide along the planes of his chest. Maybe it was just this planet but Finn was so warm under their hands. 

“Can I--” Poe tugged at his belt. They needed more of that heat. “Please _,”_ they said, breathless, practically whining. But Poe wasn’t worried about indignity just then.

Finn licked his lips, let out a little laugh. “Yes. Gods yes.”

His breath had that sweet liquor smell and Poe couldn’t help themselves. They licked into Finn’s mouth, sucked on his tongue a little, and got his pants open. 

Finn’s cock was gorgeous in the moons’ light, Poe thought ridiculously. They took him in their mouth and it was brief and sloppy. Finn made these sweet, desperate little sounds and kept his hands fisted tight in Poe’s hair the whole time. 

“Been wanting to do that for so long,” Poe said after, forgetting themselves. 

Finn sighed, his breath still coming ragged. “What? What?”

Their cheeks felt hot and Poe laid their head on his hip, nuzzled their stubbled cheek against Finn’s cock. 

“Since when? Why didn’t you _say_ something?” Finn insisted.

Poe wondered what time it was. They sat up, searching around for that flask. 

Finn tucked himself away. And he put a hand on Poe’s thigh, leaned in to kiss along their neck. “Should I? Do you want me to?”

Poe was throbbing between their legs. But they shook their head. “Nah, I’m good.”

They were both quiet for a little while. Minutes passed. Poe drank some more. The music coming out of the caves changed over to something slow. 

It was Finn who finally broke up the quiet. “Is there something wrong? ”

“No way.” Poe kicked their feet in the open air. They felt a little dizzy. “I’m great.”

Another beat passed. Finn reached out, curled his fingers under their chin. “Poe, are you ok?

“Yeah, it’s just. Today was good but.” Poe shrugged, tried to make it sound casual. “We lost a lot of people too, you know?” 

The resistance fighters they'd lost that day, that past year, every person lost through the whole course of the war; their loss weighed on Poe. They thought about Yavin 4, their father's funeral. They thought about their mother.

"I've lost a lot of people." Poe said it like they were realizing it for the first time. And the saying of it broke something open in them. 

“Oh, Buddy. Hey come’er.” Finn pulled them in, held Poe firm against his chest as the tears came shuddering out of them.

\---

When Poe opened their eyes again it was just starting to be light out. Those birds or whatever were still chattering away in the trees. The air was chilly and Finn was still holding them, curling Poe’s hair around his fingers. 

Poe blinked hard. They had a mean headache.

Finn smiled wide. “G’morning.”

They disentangled and clambered back down to the ground. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe said, a little cautiously. “About last night. If I made things awkward.”

“What are you talking about? Last night was good. I had no idea dancing was so fun.”

Poe winced. They wondered if Stormtroopers had permission or opportunity to dance. They wished that they’d stuck around to see what Finn dancing looked like.

“No, I mean. You know how I cried after I blew you?” they said. “Then passed out drunk on top of a ship?” 

Finn shrugged. “You’re my friend, Poe.” He said it with such confidence, like that made account for all of it. “And you looked so relaxed, I didn’t want to bother you.”

Poe rolled their eyes. “Friends? That was just friendship, huh?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Finn's smile turned sly. He sidled up and kissed them on the cheek. 

\---

The thing Poe wanted most in the whole universe was their bed and a hot cup of tea, all of which were on the Tantive IV. Poe turned to head in that direction. But Finn caught them by arm and herded them on to the Falcon. They found the ship was empty. And before the ramp had even closed behind them Finn was bullying Poe out of their clothes, shoving them towards the washroom. He started the shower to let the water get hot.

“Is this- are we -going too fast?” Poe asked, tripping out of their boots.

Finn was mouthing at Poe’s ear, yanking at their shirt tails. “Apparently not. You never did answer my question.” 

Poe considered playing dumb. They shrugged. “At the beginning maybe I felt something for you. You know, like, you’re very good looking!” they said, exasperated, trying to illustrate with their hands. “But as long as we’ve known one another, when was there time for that?”

Finn looked smug. “So this whole time then? The whole time we’ve known one another?” 

“Don’t worry, I don’t expect anything." Poe felt like they needed to regain some ground. "I understand what this is and--"

He pulled open the last few buttons on Poe’s shirt. “Oh yeah? What is this? I’m very interested. Please fill me in.”

"Just a one off, a fluke."

Finn hummed. "You sure know how to make a boy fell special, Dameron." He tossed their shirt on the floor, went to work on the holster strapped to Poe’s thigh.

“I should probably tell you.” Poe swallowed hard. “In the spirit of knowing one another, you know.”

“Oh yeah?” 

They scrubbed their face with their hands. “I just feel like I should clarify. In case you don’t know what you’re getting into.” 

Finn got their belt and zip open and slipped his fingers inside their briefs, pressing into the wet heat between Poe’s legs. It practically knocked the wind out of them. 

“Into?” Finn laughed a little, looking especially boyish. And he teased at their clit with his fingertips. “You’re hard for me,” he said. “Is that what you’re trying to say?”

Poe thought their legs might give out. They laughed too, but more apprehensive, and clung to Finn’s shoulders, tucked their face against the side of his neck. “I was nervous.”

“Poe Dameron?” Finn scoffed. “Nervous? I don’t believe it.” 

\---

They showered separately because the stall wasn't really big enough for the both of them. Poe found the makings for a passable cup of tea in the galley. It was nice to be clean, not to smell like sweat and smoke and engine oil and ozone. They both still had slightly damp hair when they crowded in together on the bunk in the captain's quarters. 

Poe wasn’t sure what to do with their hands. But Finn got comfortable, made themselves small against Poe's side and laid his head on their chest.

“I could sleep a whole cycle," he said.

Poe hummed an agreement. They wondered how long they could stay like this before someone came looking for them.

“Have you thought about what you’ll do?” Finn asked. “Now that it’s all over.”

It was naive to think that the resistance was just over, but Poe wasn’t going to tell him that. There was surely diplomacy to do. They'd need to rebuild, offer aid to those planets that had been hit hardest. Then there was the small matter of galactic infrastructure. 

“Guess I could always go back to my life of crime,” they said, but couldn’t quite keep a straight face. “And you?”

Finn’s fingers trailed along the flat of Poe’s belly, like he was mapping out some kind of problem. “I don’t know. Could use a change of pace though. Something a little slower. Like raising orbak and growing things and getting old. Something like that.”

“You should ask Jannah. She is beautiful,” Poe said, thought they weren't really sure why. “You two could get a little plot of land on some desert planet. Homesteading. I like that for you.”

Of course Poe didn't actually like it.

Finn socked them. And Poe made a big show of rubbing their arm and squirming out of his grasp. “Ow! What was that for?” 

They wanted Finn to do whatever it was that would make them happy, sure. But they also wanted to traverse the depths of space with their friend. In Poe's mind those things were mutually exclusive. They just had to accept that.

Finn gave them a shove. “That’s not funny.” 

They shoved back, tried to get their hands up but Finn was too fast. He caught Poe by the wrist and they yelped and laughed. 

“I wasn’t joking. She is really pretty!” 

Finn tried to pin their arms. “That’s not the point and you know it”

Poe caught him with a knee in the chest and got on top. They both laughed. And then they were both quiet and still, just catching their breath for a moment. Poe pushed themselves upright, straddling one of Finn’s thighs. 

“Do you want to fuck me?” they asked. Finn seemed to balk a little at their directness. But Poe could feel that he was hard. “You can. If you want to.”

He arched up, nipping into their mouth. “Is that what you want?”

Poe smiled into that kiss. And they sank down just right, to show Finn how wet they were.

\---

They wanted it to be fast and hard, the way they did most things. But Finn said, “Wait, wait,” and they were grappling again. And that was alright by Poe. They enjoyed a fight.

Some of the pillows fell to the floor and the sheets tangled around them. At first Poe got him pinned, held Finn down with a hand square on his chest. There was just nothing like the chaos of a good physical altercation.

Finn caught a fistful of Poe’s hair and yanked, hard. “What’s the rush?” he said. 

Something in the air became charged. They gasped and laughed and Finn rolled them. His grip was rougher than before. Finn was so _strong_. But Poe was too. There was something about being well matched, the closeness of it and grasping hands and roil of muscle and warm skin. Poe landed hard on their back but recovered quickly. They dug in with their thighs, wrapped their legs around him and tried to take back some leverage. 

Finn grabbed them hard by the jaw, fingers digging into the meat of Poe’s cheeks. “Are you done?”

Poe grinned, baring their teeth, probably looking like some kind of animal. “No, are you?” They tried to buck him off. Their heart was racing under Finn’s palm where it rested on their throat. They wondered if Finn could feel it too. 

Finn gave them a little shake, patted them on the cheek. 

It was good natured, not too hard. And Poe couldn’t help but think of Leia then, that time she’d hit him. Something tightened in Poe's chest. They wanted to cry. They wanted Finn to kiss them. And they wondered if he would hit them again, but harder. 

“I think you’re done for.” Finn sighed. 

He hooked his fingers behind Poe’s knee and wrestled them onto their front. Poe began to relax under their hands. Generally, Poe liked fights where they won. But not now. Finn pushed them face down on the cot. He twisted Poe’s arm behind their back, mooring them. Winning is fun, Poe thought. But losing is too.

\---

After, they slept a little more. And eventually someone did come looking for them. 

When Poe blinked awake Rose was standing over them. BB-8 was at her heels.

“So you two, finally?” she asked cheerfully. 

Finn sat up, yawning and stretching beside them. “Yeah, guess so.”

"You'll never guess who _I_ went to quarters with last night," she said. 

Finn started listing names, mostly medical staff. 

BB-8 gave a little congratulatory chime and Poe wished that a sandworm would swallow them all whole.

“Anyway, it’s late. You’ve both got to get decent. Finn, I need you outside. And Poe, you need to get on _this_.” She shoved a data pad under Poe’s nose. There were 20 different notifications on the screen. 

\---

Their clothes were all over. Poe was sure they’d lost their boots but Finn found them out in the corridor. 

“I, ah, really enjoyed this,” he said.

Poe’s hair had dried frizzy after the shower. They were trying, without much luck, to comb it out with their fingers. “I mean't what I said, this is just a one time thing.”

“Yeah, you do keep saying that.”

“We were just celebrating. And that was nice. However--”

Still holding their boots, Finn crossed his arms over his chest. “You know, it’s too bad you’re not as smart as you are pretty.” 

Poe gave up on their hair. “Excuse me?”

“You also said that before now there was no time. Well _now_ we’ve got nothing but time. And this." Finn motioned between them. "Us being together, it was good. Better than.” 

Finn had good hands, Poe though, absently. They had to push aside the image of those same fingers having been inside them earlier. Poe reached for their boots, but Finn held them just out of reach. 

“I'd like more," Finn said. "More of this. More of you.” 

“So that's what you meant when you were talking about the farm? And desert planets? And growing old together?" 

“I think when you raise animals it’s called a ranch. And you hate the desert.”

Poe did hate the desert. "You can't know all that after one time, one night.” 

Finn’s face was doing that thing again, that thing he’d done just the night before. His mind was made up. He tossed their boots on the bed and stepped in close.

“For the first time in my life the future is wide open. And I know what I want.” Finn took Poe’s face in his hands, holding them firm, lifting their eyes to meet his. 

"Damn it, Finn." Poe had that breaking open feeling again. Just like the night before when they’d cried about their dead comrades and Finn had held them through it. Some feeling Poe had tamped down deep was unfurling in their chest. They pressed into Finn's touch. Good Gods, he had nice hands. Poe hoped that they would not start crying right now.

Finn pushed his fingers through their hair, smoothed it down a little. “Are you afraid of something?”

Poe groaned. They were helpless to attacks on their mettle. And they just weren't good at talking like this. It was hard to focus when he touched them. Their heart was beating fast and they surged forward to kiss him. "This was good. It felt good." If Finn needed more than that then there would definitely be tears.

They were alone but Finn dropped his voice to a whisper. “I especially enjoyed the part where I beat your ass.”

Poe rolled their eyes. “I’ve taken worse lashing.” 

“At some point, in our shared wide open future, we’re gonna see about that.” 

Through the open hatch they could hear voices and engines churning up. Somewhere outside someone shouted for the General and Poe remembered, with some surprise, that that was them now.

**Author's Note:**

> you may ask, why trans poe dameron (they/them pronouns fyi) and I ask why not?
> 
> title via Roses are Falling by Orville Peck
> 
> what do I really know about Star Wars? not that much, I can be honest about that. radical acceptance, you know?
> 
> how many days have I been in quarantine? 34
> 
> what I'm saying is that you should have realistic expectations abt canon, spelling, etc
> 
> idk, enjoy!


End file.
